We Need to Talk About Your Kid

Parent-Teacher Conference Night is supposed to be an opportunity for meaningful connection between educators and parents—but it quickly becomes an unpredictable, hilarious battlefield of absurdity. Miss Lambert, a bright-eyed and optimistic English teacher, is thrilled for her first-ever conference night, armed with homemade cookies and a belief in the power of collaboration. Meanwhile, Mr. Ferber, the world-weary math teacher next door, sees the night for what it truly is: a gauntlet of clueless, delusional, and downright eccentric parents. As the evening unfolds, Miss Lambert’s idealism is tested by latte-obsessed parents demanding homework cancellation, an overzealous former Mathlete reliving her high school glory days, and a desperate mom blatantly attempting to bribe her. Mr. Ferber, on the other hand, fends off conspiracy theorists, fake report cards, and two very flirty sisters who see him as more than just a numbers guy.

Through the chaos of outrageous excuses, misplaced priorities, and truly unhinged parental antics, both teachers begin to realize that no one—teachers, parents, or students—really has it all figured out. Maybe surviving conference night isn’t about perfecting education—it’s about accepting the glorious mess of it all. We Need to Talk About Your Kid is a fast-paced farce packed with laugh-out-loud moments, unexpected heart, and the comforting truth that we’re all just making it up as we go.

Duration: 45-50 Min
Roles: 11F, 6M
Performance Group: Middle School, High School
Setting: Classroom 1, Classroom 2, School Hallway